A New State of Affairs

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The day always comes.

After the breakup.

They have to pick up their stuff.

Yesterday was that day.

My Dom was coming over for the first time since the end of our relationship and I didn’t know what to expect.

I still followed all the same rules, did my hair as he likes, my makeup as he directs, and dressed precisely according to all established rules. I don’t know how to be any different in his presence and so I could only follow the established rules because it’s all I know. Admittedly it was such a pleasure to do all those little things again.

As I waited for his arrival I found I was shockingly calm. There was a slight sense of nervous energy that reminded me of our very first meeting, but amazingly when I answered the door and saw his face for the first time since all the chaos ensued, everything felt ok.

He wrapped his arms around me giving me the biggest hug and those arms that I had come to trust and treasure still felt like home. The way he held me, gently brushing my hair aside and holding my head close to his chest, showed just how much he still cares for me. Our undeniable connection was reaffirmed in those first moments together again, and although everything is different, it’s also still the same. This man has touched my life in a way no one else ever has.

Our relationship is changed forever. I will never be his submissive and he will never be my Dominant again, but we are friends, very special friends. We have found our way through the pain and the disappointment, through the worst days, weeks, and even months. Now it’s time to move forward in peace and harmony, friends with a connection that seems super natural, memories that will never fade, and plans to stay in each other’s lives for as long as life allows.

After a great visit and a good long talk, I sent him on his way feeling peace. A peace I haven’t felt about our situation in a good long time. And I know he feels it to. It was great to reconnect and sort out some things in person in a calm and peaceful manner, and we treated each other with all the caring and respect that our relationship has always been filled with.

It was so good to have that time, finally. What I had feared and almost dreaded turned out to be a great day and I’m moving forward a little lighter. I still have a little ways to go, but this was a big step on the journey of coming to that place of healing and wholeness again. I see the light, it’s getting brighter, and soon I will be basking in all its glory again.

To taking big steps 🥂

Kinky Blonde Girl

A Special Friendship

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Tonight was wonderful.

What a spectacular evening of dungeon and dancing with my closest friends in the kink community, including my dearest friend and play partner that I have missed playing with in months.

It’s amazing when you realize just how much you were missing something when you feel it again. Being with this play partner always makes me feel so loved, so cherished, as a treasured friend. He always fills me up with goodness in the simplest of ways, and to feel that again tonight was priceless. His arms around me made everything right and his play was simply perfect. Just what I needed with him at this time to reconnect and I know we are exactly where we need to be.

To be surrounded by friends with brilliant smiles and buoyant laughter lifted me up so very much. There is so much to be said about the healing power of being in good company and I continue to be grateful for the good people in my life that continue to pour love into my life.

I keep walking this walk, slow progress it may be, but I am making my way. Beautiful things still keep happening for me and this kinky little princess will just keep dreaming!

Until next time!

Kinky Blonde Girl

Challenges

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Friday night I faced my enemy.

The beautiful relationship that came to a crashing halt because of a Mistress that had to interfere with my happiness.

It was the first time I came face to face with the woman that rocked my fairytale. I spent a great deal of time the night before reconsidering whether I should even attend the event out of an honest concern whether I could bear to be in the same room as her.

When the time came, I put my best face forward, wore a gorgeous cobalt blue summer dress, and felt fantastic. I did take every preventative measure possible to ensure I walked into that event as calm as possible, and I am so happy to say I maintained.

I couldn’t have been much more fortunate than to sit across and one seat away from this person for the entirety of the evening. It was a great test. I had to work to be polite, I’ll be honest. It was such a challenge to listen to her talk. I made every effort to maintain my conversation towards the other end of the table so as to avoid contact as much as possible. However that turned fruitful, I had great conversation, laughed and met new people. A night I was dreading turned out to be fun.

I don’t know if anyone will agree with how I behaved but I am proud of myself for keeping my Borderline self together. Seven hours before I really wasn’t very confident I was going to make it through the night without saying something mean to her. Not because I wanted to, but because I’m just still so hurt.

I’ve been told she meant no harm, but I was the one the words were spoken to and I will always know the look in her eyes when she spewed them at me. If there is one thing a woman knows, it’s when another woman is trying to hurt her.

At the end of the day, I kept my Borderline self together. I maintained wise mind, and was able to walk away with a reasonably enjoyable experience. I’m going to work on forgiving her so I don’t feel so much anxiety when these situations arise, but I know it’s going to be a challenge.

Wish me luck 🍀

Kinky Blonde Girl

A little submissive moment

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An interesting relationship, the one with my play partner. It so often could be mistaken for a vanilla dating relationship, except for a few distinct differences. We are definitely kinky, poly, and our relationship has a known expiry date.

We have contemplated adding more D/s to our relationship than is currently maintained, however we seem to have slight differences in opinion as to the degree to which I should seek to submit.

Regardless, this past week we found ourselves in a situation where he asked me to make a bed on the floor beneath him so we could have a mid-day nap together. I was in bliss. I gleefully made my little spot on the floor, curled up beneath him and as his hand came down to hold mine as we fell asleep, I felt such peace and fulfillment.

Such a simple little thing, to be able to sleep beneath him, but it was beautiful, and I felt perfectly at home. There’s something particularly special about those moments that cannot be replicated any other way. I honestly cannot even find the words to express what I felt other than it was simply such splendid happiness.

I so hope to find such an opportunity again soon.

I’ll keep you posted 🙂

Kinky Blonde Girl

Finding my way

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It’s a slow process, recovery.

Loss, in any form, takes time to adjust to the change. This has been one of the biggest changes that I can think of that I have had in my life to make mentally and emotionally.

Break ups are always a challenge, but I was in no way prepared for the emptiness I would feel by the loss of my dominant. To lose that structure in my life, the rules, rituals and protocols that went with that relationship were so ingrained into my life that losing them all along with the person I was in relationship with has been devastating.

But I think I’m starting to see the light, starting to find my way. I can’t replicate exactly what I had, but I’m slowly finding ways to feed my submissive nature without having that personal dominant relationship to guide me at this time. I’ve learned I cannot and do not want to live my life without those elements of D/s in my life anymore. I’m utterly lost without being able to kneel. I’m lost without being able to serve. I’m lost without seeing pride and pleasure in my dominant’s eyes.

In saying all of this, although I need these things in order to find complete joy and peace, I do not accept being a doormat to anyone. I refuse to become a doormat submissive to any dominant, so buyer beware. I may wish with all that I am to serve, but I will not give my submission to an unworthy recipient. The man that seeks my submission must be honest, forthright, respectful, and of the highest integrity. He will be served loyally and obediently when I feel that power and control that comes from a pure dominant heart with good intentions.

For now I will continue my research and work on myself and seek to fulfill my submissive needs on my own until such time as I find myself in the position again where I can gleefully kneel and serve.

Today I feel content in myself. I will do whatever I need to.

Kinky Blonde Girl

A lost little submissive

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I’m lonely.

I shouldn’t be.

I’m surrounded by people.

I’m surrounded by love and tenderness and kindness and beautiful experiences.

But I am not submitting. I don’t have anyone who understands how important it is for me to find myself on my knees before a strong dominant man.

The importance of rules and rituals and protocols in my life have now become as vital to me as breathe and water. I feel absolutely lost without them.

I have made some gains. I have taken back the power of my beautiful red restraints and made them mine. I believe this is a step in the right direction but it is just a small one. I have so far to go. The crying has mostly ceased and for that I am also grateful.

I don’t know how I am going to fill this enormous void in my life. I don’t know how to survive until I find it. I can feel it physically hurt to be missing it.

I hope I find a way. Wish me luck.

Kinky Blonde Girl

Deceit, a dangerous game

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It’s been an interesting year.

I have come to learn a great deal.

I have met some incredibly interesting people.

I have been lied to continuously by dominants for the most ridiculous and selfish of reasons.

I am at a loss for all the lies that I have encountered.

I do not understand why a dominant must maintain that he is monogamous if he is not. Why must a double standard exist for a man to date multiple women but not for those women to date multiple men. Or at least have the right to the up front knowledge of the other women he is dating. Why lie?

I do not understand why a dominant would enter into relationship with a submissive without explaining first his intentions as for other relationships. This is critical information. If the submissive is expected to play a role and fulfill a need for him related to his other relationships, she must be made aware at the outset of the relationship. This is a lie of omission and an incredibly grievous offense.

I do not understand why a dominant chooses lies and deceit, in the end it is all simply a loss.

It is so foolish for anyone to think that this type of behavior is sustainable. It never is and at some point the truth always comes out and it’s never usually pretty.

I’m watching one such scenario unfold at present. This person was once very important to me, yielding great power in my life. But their lies and deceit have led them to the periphery of my world now. I believe I am watching the slow destruction of a beautiful life, and I think everything just may come crashing down for this person.

It’s terribly tragic that people think they can behave in such a manner that they ultimately treat others with such disrespect that their selfishness wounds all.

And really isn’t that the simple thing it all comes down to at the core, selfishness. If they weren’t so selfish, and could possibly consider another human being for a millisecond then we wouldn’t end up with so many people hurt and broken relationships with heartbroken souls trying to find peace from the destruction left in the wake of the monster that is deceit.

I stand tall, and strong, and confident, and on the winning side today.

But too much deceit has crossed my path in my days and it’s time for it to come to a stop. The liars need to be called out for what they are.

This kinky little princess is putting her perfectly heeled foot down. No more.

I absolutely refuse to listen to any more lies, I refuse to allow myself to be manipulated by deceit. I am a strong woman, a smart woman, a beautiful, sexy, talented, passionate, encapsulating woman. I deserve so much better than any man who will play petty little games such as these.

But beware, the most charming, most handsome, most successful, most affluent, they are the most likely to deceive because they have the most to lose. Let’s never forget that. Remember, always be mindful! Know your opponent! And yes, love is war!

Never allow yourself to be deceived.

Kinky Blonde Girl