I had plans to meet up with my play partner on a weekend afternoon for some hiking and tying and play in the beautiful outdoors. We live in an epic location with mountains, rainforests and the ocean in our backyard. Amazing location for extreme outdoor kinky fun.
But, as much as he has accepted this relationship to be poly, he doesn’t love to see bruises on me from another. It’s always a reminder to him that I have other partners and I know they frustrate him.
I had to go to our meet up unknowing exactly how he was going to respond to the most recent bruises I received and as we have been spending a great deal of time together I know he often wonders what in the world it is that I need from my relationship with my Dom. There is so much to that relationship he just can never understand because he doesn’t understand the idea of a 24/7 D/s relationship.
Admittedly as I stood there in the forest taking my clothes off, preparing to unveil the damage done in my most recent scene with my Dom, the thought actually occurred to me, what if this is the moment he actually loses it, and says no f$&@!#g way, no more, and just took off and left me there.
Again, self confidence issues come to the forefront, because of course he has agreed to this arrangement, I should not be standing there in fear of his behavior. He truly has given me no reason to think he would do such a thing, other than knowing it can be a bit of a prickly issue for him. He has clearly stated this is because of past experiences wherein he had been on the receiving end of deceit. There is no deceit here, but it inflames those feelings for him and so I do my best to try and be cognizant in order to minimize any discomfort he may feel.
He did not leave me stranded in the forest, although he did take every opportunity to tease and semi-torture me for the marks that appeared on my body.
Self doubt is my worst enemy. Not trusting in the people I know I trust, when they have given me no reason to fear the worst. This is one of my greatest challenges today. I hope a day comes when I can walk in faith knowing that the hands I place my trust in during a scene can be trusted always, and that doubt will fade away into the abyss.
Until next time…
Kinky Blonde Girl