sub drop….and mental illness

After two fairly closely timed play dates with my Dom and my play partner, I woke up to a day of absolute sadness and lack of motivation.  

For the entirety of the day, I tried to find the will within me to do something, but there was nothing there.  I thought I knew what was wrong and what to do to combat it, so I tried all my usual tricks. But I just couldn’t lift myself up, all the self-care techniques in the book weren’t working, and I continued to spiral.

Because I am mentally ill.  I am high functioning, well treated and have worked hard to gain the skills necessary to cope with my illness, but there are still days the illness wins.  And I thought that day I had lost the battle to mental illness.

It didn’t once occur to me that I could be in sub drop until the following day, when the sadness and teary eyes continued without the normal thoughts and behaviors that would normally manifest if I was actually struggling with my illness.  I reached out to a trusted submissive friend for advice, because being new is hard. There is such a steep learning curve to this bright new world. She agreed I was likely in sub drop, and suggested I touch base with my Dom and let him know where I was at.  I never want to be a bother, but she was right, this time I really needed his support to carry me through.

And he was there.  Everyone I needed to be there for me was there.  I really do have the best support system.

So although sub drop is hard, and I think it’s really hard when you’re already mentally ill, the best way in the world to get through it is when the people around you show how much they really care.

Kinky Blonde Girl

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