I have been forced to face some truths lately. More than I would have liked. Truth about relationships, friendships, supports I thought I had, and about my own ability to deal with my particular situations.
It is interesting when truth stares you straight in the eye and you can no longer deny the obvious. It can be painful to lose people who you counted as part of your trusted circle.
It is incredibly difficult to try and do things that you know are completely opposed to what you know is good for your emotional well-being. But I always try. I try to be there for those I care about, for those I’m in relationships with. I try my best to meet their needs in whatever way that might be, and sometimes I’m successful, and sometimes it’s a complete disaster.
Recently, I faced disaster. In the midst of that disaster I struck a blow at someone that mattered to me. And their response was devastating, I have watched this person completely evaporate from my life in a heartbeat. But I will carry on, the journey doesn’t stop, it must continue, I must move forward with the amazing friends and support networks I have created for myself. I am fortunate to find that when I look closely, I have a lot more people around me than I realize.
In this most recent situation I so would have loved to have had that friendship to lean into during the fallout, but alas I did not, and in no small part because of my own actions. However, in that open space was the opportunity for my life to be filled with the outpouring of love from others, and I was able to receive through a moment of loss.
It’s interesting how when one thing goes away, another springs forth. I have so far to go, so much yet to learn, and I’m sure a few more disasters yet to come, but I will hold my head up high and stand tall because I know I’m surrounded by people who love me. For that I am eternally grateful.
Kinky Blonde Girl