Well, I suppose I knew the day would come, but honestly I really kind of never wanted to say yellow or red.
I mostly use the traffic light system for my safewords. It’s a very handy little system I find, although until last night I had yet to put it into practice.
The theory goes:
I have yet to reach red, but as I approached yellow last night and after I squeaked the word out of my desperate mouth, I felt what I think most of us feel, especially when we’re new, this feeling of failure.
Even as I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I was confronted with this feeling that I had let him down, I had let myself down, wise mind was telling me I was not a failure for speaking my truth and being honest. I know the only way for our relationship to thrive is for honesty and respect to be at the forefront. And that includes during a scene. I accept with a gleeful heart that I will submit for his pleasure to many things that may be more for his benefit than mine, but knowing my boundaries is incredibly important, and last night I had to face them square in the eye and speak up.
He was loving and kind and did absolutely everything to make me feel like it was ok that I had used a safeword, but admittedly it still feels like a bit of a blow. This is going to take some work to wrap my head around. But work I will, and today I have new found knowledge, from another experience, and I’m so grateful to have had it in his arms. I do know I’m safe with him. I know my limits and boundaries will be respected. I know he enjoys me for all of me, and I will continue to learn as I walk the path on my submissive’s journey.
I suppose I always hoped that the day would never come when I would need to safeword but obviously that was naive. That I made it this far is probably an accomplishment as I’ve had some amazing experiences, pushing past boundaries I thought I never could, and accomplishing things I never thought possible. I have been blessed with beautiful experiences because I have been able to place myself in safe hands, with wonderful people who can read my body so I do not have to safeword. I don’t anticipate I will do it again anytime soon. But I’m still grateful they are there and for the wonderful partner that comforted me last night following that scene. It was wonderful, and I so wish I had been able to keep going with the same enthusiasm, but last night, yellow had to be called. And I must just learn from the experience and carry on with a clear heart and mind knowing that I am still just as good of a sub today as I was yesterday.
So onto the next adventure, this kinky little princess’s fairytale never stops!
Kinky Blonde Girl