Forgive me but it’s a bit of a rant today.
I find myself completely frustrated and actually full of anger today because of the events of last evening.
I have been with my play partner since January of this year and for the most part, it’s a good relationship. It’s not ideal, he’s not a dominant in the pure sense, only really a Top in the bedroom, but we have had some fun over this past year.
Now we have always maintained that this was a poly relationship for a multitude of reasons. He does have a bit of a jealous streak so we do not discuss my other play partners or activities. This has been maintained throughout our relationship in order to keep the peace.
Until last night. During our scene, he noticed bruises on my nipples from wearing clamps and had to question me about them. I told them where they came from and his response was “no one else shall be damaging my property”.
His property! What! Where did he get that idea? I wear no collar! I belong to no one right now!
That he can believe that he owns me simply by the amount of time spent together frustrates me to no end. It takes a lot more than that to own a person, you have to actually commit to them, you must actually do something for them, for their wellbeing, meet their needs and expectations. Now as much as I adore this man (most days) he does not meet my submissive needs, he cannot and will not because it is not who he is. I accept that he is incapable of providing me with what I need as a submissive and try to enjoy what time we have left together before he leaves and begins his new life very far away because I do care about him and enjoy our time together.
But, last night may have spelled disaster for it all. In his moment of jealousy, he ensured that no one would doubt that I belonged to someone by leaving me with riding crop bruises all over my breasts. If these marks had been made in some fun kinky scene they would bother me none, but the fact that I am marked with painful bruises because of his childish insecurities about something that isn’t true just devastates me. I don’t know why I keep being hurt by the people who profess to care for me.
I’m really not sure how to proceed from here. I honestly don’t even know how to broach this conversation with him. I know it will devastate him to know how much he has hurt me, and that he may have caused irreparable damage to our relationship, but there is a reality he must face. He does NOT own me. I am NOT his property. He has had no interest in being responsible for me and my well being and the things that are important to me but all of a sudden he wants to claim ownership over what isn’t his. That is not how it works.
Today I am honestly seeking advice. If anyone has any bright ideas for me please do tell as I am at the end of my rope. I have little patience left and I don’t know what to do next.
If only the fairytale was easy!
Kinky Blonde Girl