Oh, how the fairytale has changed.
If you have been with me from the beginning you would know the fairytale began with three pretty but very distinctly different relationships.
Two of those relationships have ceased. One on painful but rather amicable terms, the other, the most recent, on very volatile and tumultuous terms.
I had thought the end had come cleanly and without distaste for each other until 11:05 pm on a Thursday evening when a rage full text message came in and everything changed. Our up until then calm, cool and collected separation had just taken an abrupt 180-degree turn. He was full of anger and hate and was making things up to hate me for. The three days of back and forth emails of how much we each apparently hurt each other just created such emotional chaos in my life.
I have had some time to reflect now, I still stand strong in the decision I made to finally stand in my truth in a relationship that had no room for it. I have been hurt. Actions have been taken against me to hurt me, specifically and maliciously.
But I am so very fortunate. I have good people. I have a great community. He tried to use that community against me but he didn’t realize that they are mine, they are beholden to me before they ever would be to him. They only know him because of me. They only would trust him because they trust me….therefore….if I cannot trust him, they cannot trust him.
They are my people and they are always going to be there for me, and oh how they have been there. I’m so blessed, I’m surrounded by love and support and kindness and I know my community will hold me up while I am picking up the pieces of this broken relationship and the trauma unfortunately left in its wake.
I will admit I was unwise. I fell for the “real submissive” guilt trip. My last partner was really good at telling me if I was a “real submissive” I would do such and such. It came to a point where I chose to endure pain at his hand in the name of being a “real submissive” whether there was any discussion or benefit or understanding between us, that meant nothing to him. I suffered for him for months before I walked away from this relationship because I was trying to be a “real submissive”. But really I was never his submissive so he never deserved any of that from me.
New days today. I suffer for him no more. He will never hurt me again. Physically or emotionally, he has already done his worst. I will stand in my truth today and I have learned from this relationship that I have to learn how to use my voice. He hurt me too much. And I let him.
No more pain. No more disassociation. I want to be present in my life and in my relationships and I’m not going to let myself go there ever again.
So, what is next for this kinky little princess….just wait and see 😉
Kinky Blonde Girl