2020, and Borderline

It’s a new year. A new decade in fact. I feel as though I should be rejoicing and yet I have spent the last week in misery even though I am in paradise.

I have been on holidays in Cancun over the Christmas break and have been in a funk of all funks. My illness is at it’s peak and has destroyed a great deal of this holiday for me.

I’m trying to look at this new year and new decade with some form of optimism but I simply cannot find it. I go home tomorrow to a dreary rainy place and leave paradise behind and I’m greatly saddened that I am constantly battling an illness that sucks the good away from my life.

In ten days I have a conference to go to where I will see a ton of friends from across the country and beyond and I want to be looking forward to it but I just can’t find it in me. How oh how do I get myself back to a place where I see the bright side and look forward to the future again.

I hope I can find my way to believing it’s a happy new year, right now I am floundering in my BPD and there is nothing I hate more.

Here’s hoping I can figure this out ….

Kinky Blonde Girl

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