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A New State of Affairs

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The day always comes.

After the breakup.

They have to pick up their stuff.

Yesterday was that day.

My Dom was coming over for the first time since the end of our relationship and I didn’t know what to expect.

I still followed all the same rules, did my hair as he likes, my makeup as he directs, and dressed precisely according to all established rules. I don’t know how to be any different in his presence and so I could only follow the established rules because it’s all I know. Admittedly it was such a pleasure to do all those little things again.

As I waited for his arrival I found I was shockingly calm. There was a slight sense of nervous energy that reminded me of our very first meeting, but amazingly when I answered the door and saw his face for the first time since all the chaos ensued, everything felt ok.

He wrapped his arms around me giving me the biggest hug and those arms that I had come to trust and treasure still felt like home. The way he held me, gently brushing my hair aside and holding my head close to his chest, showed just how much he still cares for me. Our undeniable connection was reaffirmed in those first moments together again, and although everything is different, it’s also still the same. This man has touched my life in a way no one else ever has.

Our relationship is changed forever. I will never be his submissive and he will never be my Dominant again, but we are friends, very special friends. We have found our way through the pain and the disappointment, through the worst days, weeks, and even months. Now it’s time to move forward in peace and harmony, friends with a connection that seems super natural, memories that will never fade, and plans to stay in each other’s lives for as long as life allows.

After a great visit and a good long talk, I sent him on his way feeling peace. A peace I haven’t felt about our situation in a good long time. And I know he feels it to. It was great to reconnect and sort out some things in person in a calm and peaceful manner, and we treated each other with all the caring and respect that our relationship has always been filled with.

It was so good to have that time, finally. What I had feared and almost dreaded turned out to be a great day and I’m moving forward a little lighter. I still have a little ways to go, but this was a big step on the journey of coming to that place of healing and wholeness again. I see the light, it’s getting brighter, and soon I will be basking in all its glory again.

To taking big steps 🥂

Kinky Blonde Girl

A Special Friendship

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Tonight was wonderful.

What a spectacular evening of dungeon and dancing with my closest friends in the kink community, including my dearest friend and play partner that I have missed playing with in months.

It’s amazing when you realize just how much you were missing something when you feel it again. Being with this play partner always makes me feel so loved, so cherished, as a treasured friend. He always fills me up with goodness in the simplest of ways, and to feel that again tonight was priceless. His arms around me made everything right and his play was simply perfect. Just what I needed with him at this time to reconnect and I know we are exactly where we need to be.

To be surrounded by friends with brilliant smiles and buoyant laughter lifted me up so very much. There is so much to be said about the healing power of being in good company and I continue to be grateful for the good people in my life that continue to pour love into my life.

I keep walking this walk, slow progress it may be, but I am making my way. Beautiful things still keep happening for me and this kinky little princess will just keep dreaming!

Until next time!

Kinky Blonde Girl

Challenges

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Friday night I faced my enemy.

The beautiful relationship that came to a crashing halt because of a Mistress that had to interfere with my happiness.

It was the first time I came face to face with the woman that rocked my fairytale. I spent a great deal of time the night before reconsidering whether I should even attend the event out of an honest concern whether I could bear to be in the same room as her.

When the time came, I put my best face forward, wore a gorgeous cobalt blue summer dress, and felt fantastic. I did take every preventative measure possible to ensure I walked into that event as calm as possible, and I am so happy to say I maintained.

I couldn’t have been much more fortunate than to sit across and one seat away from this person for the entirety of the evening. It was a great test. I had to work to be polite, I’ll be honest. It was such a challenge to listen to her talk. I made every effort to maintain my conversation towards the other end of the table so as to avoid contact as much as possible. However that turned fruitful, I had great conversation, laughed and met new people. A night I was dreading turned out to be fun.

I don’t know if anyone will agree with how I behaved but I am proud of myself for keeping my Borderline self together. Seven hours before I really wasn’t very confident I was going to make it through the night without saying something mean to her. Not because I wanted to, but because I’m just still so hurt.

I’ve been told she meant no harm, but I was the one the words were spoken to and I will always know the look in her eyes when she spewed them at me. If there is one thing a woman knows, it’s when another woman is trying to hurt her.

At the end of the day, I kept my Borderline self together. I maintained wise mind, and was able to walk away with a reasonably enjoyable experience. I’m going to work on forgiving her so I don’t feel so much anxiety when these situations arise, but I know it’s going to be a challenge.

Wish me luck 🍀

Kinky Blonde Girl

A little submissive moment

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An interesting relationship, the one with my play partner. It so often could be mistaken for a vanilla dating relationship, except for a few distinct differences. We are definitely kinky, poly, and our relationship has a known expiry date.

We have contemplated adding more D/s to our relationship than is currently maintained, however we seem to have slight differences in opinion as to the degree to which I should seek to submit.

Regardless, this past week we found ourselves in a situation where he asked me to make a bed on the floor beneath him so we could have a mid-day nap together. I was in bliss. I gleefully made my little spot on the floor, curled up beneath him and as his hand came down to hold mine as we fell asleep, I felt such peace and fulfillment.

Such a simple little thing, to be able to sleep beneath him, but it was beautiful, and I felt perfectly at home. There’s something particularly special about those moments that cannot be replicated any other way. I honestly cannot even find the words to express what I felt other than it was simply such splendid happiness.

I so hope to find such an opportunity again soon.

I’ll keep you posted 🙂

Kinky Blonde Girl

And the learning never ends…

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So much of the journey has been about learning. Information overload sometimes. But absolutely necessary when broaching a topic as complex as Dominance and submission and power exchange in general. It comes to mind following our local chapter’s MAsT (Masters And slaves Together) Discussion Night last evening.

My walk has been a busy one. At one point only a few months ago I barely found myself with a free evening in the week. I was running between coffee nights, workshops, munchs, dungeon parties, and play dates, all the while keeping up with my vanilla life’s commitments. So much learning to be done and I was going to be sure to arm myself with as much knowledge as possible.

Learning is not attained by chance. It must be sought for with ardor and attended to with diligence.      

Abigail Adams

I have been incredibly fortunate to have walked into an outstanding community filled with opportunities for growth and knowledge. Wonderful women on both sides of the slash have come into my life and poured their advice into me which has been immensely helpful. Interestingly enough, they will never know just how or when their little jewels of wisdom will come into play, and I find myself pulling from the data stores of kink information buried in my mind at the most interesting of moments. I’m so thankful for these wise women, and men, who have shared their years of experience with me, that I might learn from them, I count it a great honor.

Following this latest learning opportunity, and information contained therein, I’m deeply contemplating my role as a submissive today. So much has happened lately that it seems wise to honestly evaluate myself and what I really want and need for myself and my future. I thought I knew, but then life happens and you just never know anything anymore. Time to re-evaluate and get centered.

Many things have not changed, that I know.

I am sub.

I will be happy and at peace.

I will serve and obey.

I will seek to please.

I will humbly kneel for the dominant who respects and honors my loyalty and obedience.

Until I kneel again….

Kinky Blonde Girl

To Beautiful Days

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Today is a beautiful day!

I woke with anticipation for a day on a lovely quiet island away from the hustle and bustle and busyness of the city. Just what this princess needed to restore herself.

And off I went. On an early morning boat taking me into the arms of a man who has been standing by me, listening to me and being everything in the world I could possibly ask for. I know, what is wrong with me right? Well, he had a plan when I met him, and it’s a long distance plan. And what our future might be, well, it’s unknown.

But what a beautiful day I have had. It did start off a little rocky, as I need to learn how to walk the very large dog better (he won in a tug of war you might say). We did a little shopping and then off for a lovely breakfast at a quaint little cafe. Sitting in the sun, enjoying the morning and fantastic company, all I felt was joy.

Breakfast was followed up by an amazing two hour long massage, being treated like the kinky little princess that I am. Now I’ll fully admit, this was therapeutic, but it still felt absolutely fantastic and was the most amazing thing that could have happened to me today.

Then onto a leisurely drive across island to a beautiful park for an afternoon walk in the forest. Surrounded by the majesty of the lush green rainforest around me, I felt complete peace. For the first time in days, peace, harmony, contentment. I spotted a perfect little tree to climb up into and took a bunch of fun, silly, Snapchat filter pictures. Just having an enjoyable afternoon, breathing the fresh air, being free, noticing the little things and finally feeling like I might be coming out on the other side.

It’s a good feeling. A strong, clear headed, wise mind, focused, peaceful, restful, at ease kind of feeling. Like the planets are all finally coming into alignment. Maybe I’ve been waiting for this day longer than I even realized. For some reason today I feel an ease, like some weight has been lifted from me. Almost as if somehow everything is going to be a little bit easier from now on. I don’t know what it is, but I’ll take it.

To peace and tranquility….and the amazing man that illuminated my day.

Kinky Blonde Girl