Tag: BDSM

An Adjustment to the Tiara Required

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Time to dust off my tiara, carefully place it back on my pretty little head and get back to the business at hand. I have a beautiful life in front of me, and it just took a little reminder from a good friend that all is not lost.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the emotional chaos that my life has been filled with over the last few months that I forget that I have people all around me that I can lean on and will lift me up. I get lost in my head and in all the many many thoughts that continuously run through my mind all day every day. One of the challenges of having Borderline Personality Disorder, my mind is always racing.

I’ve been reminded that I am strong, that I have a lot going for me and bright things are on the horizon. And even if I’m not where I want to be today, the future is golden and full of amazing prospects.

A woman I greatly admire and respect recently told me she was very proud of me and the decisions I was making. That meant a lot, most especially because of who it was coming from. If I can impress this person, I’m doing something right. I must keep my head held high, tiara straight, and look with hopeful anticipation towards the future.

I know I will find my way back to the place of D/s bliss I was in when I started this blog. I must be patient, keep a positive attitude and walk with integrity. If I can do that I know the universe will work everything out according to plan.

Truly I do still believe in fairytales. I just got a little lost for a time. My dreams will come true, I just must be patient in the interim and take the most from the lessons being taught along the way.

To fairytales, may they always be beautiful!

Kinky Blonde Girl

The Modern Fairytale

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What was once a beautiful fairytale only a few short months ago when I began this blog, so quickly started to spiral out of control and into complete disarray.

First I lost my Dom who I loved and meant so very much to me. Now I have lost a dear friend, a play partner, to a relationship he greatly deserves but a loss all the same. And the play partner I’m still in relationship with will be leaving me soon enough for his new life far, far away.

I don’t know where I stand or what I should do anymore. A part of me wants to give up and call it a day. I’ve been waiting for something good to happen but it just doesn’t seem to be meant to be. It appears obvious at this juncture that happiness is not in the cards for this kinky little princess. Perhaps it’s time to hang up my tiara and accept defeat. I feel like I am destined for a life where challenge is on the menu more so than happiness and pleasure.

Thank you to everyone who has followed me on this journey so far. I will try my best to find a way to find another dream but for now it appears as if they have all died.

Kinky Blonde Girl

Tears…..

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Last night I had an experience like none I had yet to experience. It was profound and I am still somewhat shaken by it.

My play partner and I were in a scene, doing needle play, which I am just coming to take an interest in. “Take a deep breath” and the needle went into my skin, a brief piercing pain shot through me and all of a sudden I was flooded by tears.

These were no regular “I got poked by a needle” tears. Something was happening inside of me, the tears came and failed to cease. I sobbed and sobbed and at first, a part of me felt like I needed to stop the tears, stop the crying, compose myself, and then I realized that there must be a reason for it and I allowed myself to sink into those feelings, that emotional response and it was incredibly intense. There was a reason for those tears, only my subconscious knows what it is.

We continued to play for some time but eventually, I had to call the scene. I was so overwhelmed by all of those emotions that had been pouring out of me, I just couldn’t keep going at a certain point. Another first. But I stood in my truth again and it was easier this time than the last.

I’m gaining confidence. This summer has been hard on the confidence, but it’s coming back. I’m getting back to where I was. The slow process continues and I imagine this was just one more step in the right direction. A huge emotional release.

Here’s hoping my next experience is a little bit lighter.

Onto the next adventure.

Kinky Blonde Girl

I Keep Walking, With Anticipation

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And so the journey continues.

As I stroll along my submissive walk I continue to grow and to learn about myself. I’m learning what I want, what I need to live the happy and fulfilling life I want for myself. It certainly has been an interesting walk so far, admittedly a few stumbles along the way, and a little heartbreak to go along with, but all in all a tremendous experience.

I am starting to see the new future ahead of me. I don’t know what all it will hold, but I absolutely guarantee you, this kinky little princess will be having the time of her life. So much brilliance on the horizon, I barely dare to look for fear of the light, but I am filled with incredible excitement.

I’m making gains every day and lately, life has been filled with good experiences and reconnections that have meant the world to me. There’s a peace in me that I haven’t felt in some time, and for that I’m grateful. It’s glorious to see my existing relationships continue to bring me joy and as I look to the future I wonder with awe and amazement as to what incredible things might be in store.

In the coming weeks I have a beautiful tropical holiday planned and as preparations continue I look forward to it with glee. It will be another experience of a lifetime, an adventure like no other. What beautiful things will I see and taste and feel? It will be another epic escapade into this wonderful new world of mine, living life to the fullest. Taking every opportunity that comes my way and appreciating them with all that I am so that I try not to miss a thing.

New people are coming into my life. What exactly they may bring is still unsure, but the anticipation is breathtaking. There’s something truly wonderful about not knowing what is going to happen next. As the excitement builds, waiting for the next thing to happen, it’s like the petals on a rose, each lovely on their own but together creating one beautiful flower. I’m building a beautiful posy of roses and the fragrance is stunning, enveloping even.

I will continue on my walk with anxious, excited anticipation for things to come because I know I’m moving in the right direction today. Beauty is on the horizon. I simply have to watch and wait, I do believe the best is yet to come!

Kinky Blonde Girl

A New State of Affairs

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The day always comes.

After the breakup.

They have to pick up their stuff.

Yesterday was that day.

My Dom was coming over for the first time since the end of our relationship and I didn’t know what to expect.

I still followed all the same rules, did my hair as he likes, my makeup as he directs, and dressed precisely according to all established rules. I don’t know how to be any different in his presence and so I could only follow the established rules because it’s all I know. Admittedly it was such a pleasure to do all those little things again.

As I waited for his arrival I found I was shockingly calm. There was a slight sense of nervous energy that reminded me of our very first meeting, but amazingly when I answered the door and saw his face for the first time since all the chaos ensued, everything felt ok.

He wrapped his arms around me giving me the biggest hug and those arms that I had come to trust and treasure still felt like home. The way he held me, gently brushing my hair aside and holding my head close to his chest, showed just how much he still cares for me. Our undeniable connection was reaffirmed in those first moments together again, and although everything is different, it’s also still the same. This man has touched my life in a way no one else ever has.

Our relationship is changed forever. I will never be his submissive and he will never be my Dominant again, but we are friends, very special friends. We have found our way through the pain and the disappointment, through the worst days, weeks, and even months. Now it’s time to move forward in peace and harmony, friends with a connection that seems supernatural, memories that will never fade, and plans to stay in each other’s lives for as long as life allows.

After a great visit and a good long talk, I sent him on his way feeling peace. A peace I haven’t felt about our situation in a good long time. And I know he feels it too. It was great to reconnect and sort out some things in person in a calm and peaceful manner, and we treated each other with all the caring and respect that our relationship has always been filled with.

It was so good to have that time, finally. What I had feared and almost dreaded turned out to be a great day and I’m moving forward a little lighter. I still have a little ways to go, but this was a big step on the journey of coming to that place of healing and wholeness again. I see the light, it’s getting brighter, and soon I will be basking in all its glory again.

To taking big steps 🥂

Kinky Blonde Girl

A Special Friendship

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Tonight was wonderful.

What a spectacular evening of dungeon and dancing with my closest friends in the kink community, including my dearest friend and play partner that I have missed playing with in months.

It’s amazing when you realize just how much you were missing something when you feel it again. Being with this play partner always makes me feel so loved, so cherished, as a treasured friend. He always fills me up with goodness in the simplest of ways, and to feel that again tonight was priceless. His arms around me made everything right and his play was simply perfect. Just what I needed with him at this time to reconnect and I know we are exactly where we need to be.

To be surrounded by friends with brilliant smiles and buoyant laughter lifted me up so very much. There is so much to be said about the healing power of being in good company and I continue to be grateful for the good people in my life that continue to pour love into my life.

I keep walking this walk, slow progress it may be, but I am making my way. Beautiful things still keep happening for me and this kinky little princess will just keep dreaming!

Until next time!

Kinky Blonde Girl

Challenges

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Friday night I faced my enemy.

The beautiful relationship that came to a crashing halt because of a Mistress that had to interfere with my happiness.

It was the first time I came face to face with the woman that rocked my fairytale. I spent a great deal of time the night before reconsidering whether I should even attend the event out of an honest concern whether I could bear to be in the same room as her.

When the time came, I put my best face forward, wore a gorgeous cobalt blue summer dress, and felt fantastic. I did take every preventative measure possible to ensure I walked into that event as calm as possible, and I am so happy to say I maintained.

I couldn’t have been much more fortunate than to sit across and one seat away from this person for the entirety of the evening. It was a great test. I had to work to be polite, I’ll be honest. It was such a challenge to listen to her talk. I made every effort to maintain my conversation towards the other end of the table so as to avoid contact as much as possible. However that turned fruitful, I had great conversation, laughed and met new people. A night I was dreading turned out to be fun.

I don’t know if anyone will agree with how I behaved but I am proud of myself for keeping my Borderline self together. Seven hours before I really wasn’t very confident I was going to make it through the night without saying something mean to her. Not because I wanted to, but because I’m just still so hurt.

I’ve been told she meant no harm, but I was the one the words were spoken to and I will always know the look in her eyes when she spewed them at me. If there is one thing a woman knows, it’s when another woman is trying to hurt her.

At the end of the day, I kept my Borderline self together. I maintained wise mind and was able to walk away with a reasonably enjoyable experience. I’m going to work on forgiving her so I don’t feel so much anxiety when these situations arise, but I know it’s going to be a challenge.

Wish me luck 🍀

Kinky Blonde Girl