Tag: Trust

A Social with a Twist

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An adventure, off to a Social with a Twist.

And how perfectly timed, it’s my kinky birthday! One year ago I walked into Fetlife armed only with some internet and YouTube knowledge and I took the chance of a lifetime. And now a year later, here we are.

From the beginning of my trip it was a blessed weekend. Once again I found myself on a boat as I sailed over to a beautiful island for what was sure to be an awe inspiring and shockingly wonderful evening. I was fortunate to find friends on the boat that would join me in the festivities.

The evening began with a class centered around power exchange, respect, ritual, intention, and objectification. Respected community members sat on a panel taking questions from the room following the watching of a beautiful Shibari rope scene full of ritual and objectification of the lovely rope bottom. During the evening we also were able to witness some inspiring examples of a submissive’s service to her Master, showing the beauty and respect in ritual and how much love and caring can go into even the simple task of serving a cup of coffee. Other opportunities for service were provided to all of us submissives throughout the evening as we served food to the attendees of the event, were human canvases for an art competition with evil sticks creating beautiful images upon the bodies of all participants, and serving as pieces of furniture.

I watched with bright eyes trying to take in every detail of the evening. Every new experience I was given I tried to immerse myself into as much as possible in order to take everything I could from this night. I did not want to leave anything behind.

Of the many wonderful pieces of bondage equipment I got to try, I was presented with the opportunity to be confined in a predicament box, an amazing contraption. I entered the aluminum box, just a little larger than what’s required for the average adult to fit inside kneeling, with holes throughout each side of the box. There are plates in one end to create stocks to lock in a submissive’s head and wrists, however in my experience we did not use them. Instead, the gentleman who is the mad genius behind this wonderful contraption, used the steel poles that are fed through the holes from one side of the box to the other to secure all parts of my body into predicament positions, including my head, legs, arms and torso. I cannot tell you how many poles were used to secure me into place, but a great deal of tickling and spanking occurred once I was securely locked (without locks) into place. It was another awesome experience of bondage, completely vulnerable, no control, and absolutely secure, without locks. A very interesting concept for my mind to grasp coming from the training and experience it has learned thus far about inescapable bondage.

But the absolute highlight of my night was the evil stick. I was fortunate enough to have the Mistress of the event offer to give me the opportunity to be her canvas and it was the first time I had ever experienced the pain and thrill of the evil stick. It has an awesome intensity that permeates long after the strike. Every strike made me melt deeper into the sweet dreamy state I landed in, with her soft touch and sweet words sending me swimming onto a soft cloud of pain and pleasure, my body burning with a beautiful fuel that lit the fire of submissive bliss I haven’t felt in such a time. I took as much as she was willing to give me. I have found myself admiring the lovely marks left upon my body with the sweet reflection of the beautiful moments and strong stunning woman that brought them to me.

It wasn’t quite a kinky fairytale ball, but it was pretty close. I was able to experience all of the things this kinky little princess is most passionate about: power exchange, bondage, objectification, and sensual, controlled, well delivered pain.

I met and talked with so many beautiful new people. I experienced so much and felt the evening to be a flurry of amazing activity and yet I missed so much of it without meaning to.

in the days that followed I felt drained, absolutely and completely. I could barely put a thought together. Exhaustion overwhelmed me. Rest was all I sought, my mind and my body aching for ease, sleep, recovery, my mind still trying to take in everything I had just experienced. Trying to remember all the details as the night became foggier and foggier. It’s almost as if a spell was upon me, I experienced so much joy, I could barely contain my excitement.

What wonderful people I found in the midst of this epic event, what kindness surrounded me, and has followed me home. I see new friendships on the horizon and even opportunities for some adventurous play. I truly believe the people I made connections with will be good influences on my journey. It is so nice to see more people of good character and integrity join my circle of community.

I don’t know all yet what I have learned from these experiences. I know my mind and emotions are still just trying to process everything that occurred and revel in the memories before any have the opportunity to slip away.

A night to remember, and here’s hoping I don’t forget a minute of it ✨

Kinky Blonde Girl

Tears…..

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Last night I had an experience like none I had yet to experience. It was profound and I am still somewhat shaken by it.

My play partner and I were in a scene, doing needle play, which I am just coming to take an interest in. “Take a deep breath” and the needle went into my skin, a brief piercing pain shot through me and all of a sudden I was flooded by tears.

These were no regular “I got poked by a needle” tears. Something was happening inside of me, the tears came and failed to cease. I sobbed and sobbed and at first, a part of me felt like I needed to stop the tears, stop the crying, compose myself, and then I realized that there must be a reason for it and I allowed myself to sink into those feelings, that emotional response and it was incredibly intense. There was a reason for those tears, only my subconscious knows what it is.

We continued to play for some time but eventually, I had to call the scene. I was so overwhelmed by all of those emotions that had been pouring out of me, I just couldn’t keep going at a certain point. Another first. But I stood in my truth again and it was easier this time than the last.

I’m gaining confidence. This summer has been hard on the confidence, but it’s coming back. I’m getting back to where I was. The slow process continues and I imagine this was just one more step in the right direction. A huge emotional release.

Here’s hoping my next experience is a little bit lighter.

Onto the next adventure.

Kinky Blonde Girl

Deceit, a dangerous game

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It’s been an interesting year.

I have come to learn a great deal.

I have met some incredibly interesting people.

I have been lied to continuously by dominants for the most ridiculous and selfish of reasons.

I am at a loss for all the lies that I have encountered.

I do not understand why a dominant must maintain that he is monogamous if he is not. Why must a double standard exist for a man to date multiple women but not for those women to date multiple men. Or at least have the right to the up front knowledge of the other women he is dating. Why lie?

I do not understand why a dominant would enter into relationship with a submissive without explaining first his intentions as for other relationships. This is critical information. If the submissive is expected to play a role and fulfill a need for him related to his other relationships, she must be made aware at the outset of the relationship. This is a lie of omission and an incredibly grievous offense.

I do not understand why a dominant chooses lies and deceit, in the end it is all simply a loss.

It is so foolish for anyone to think that this type of behavior is sustainable. It never is and at some point the truth always comes out and it’s never usually pretty.

I’m watching one such scenario unfold at present. This person was once very important to me, yielding great power in my life. But their lies and deceit have led them to the periphery of my world now. I believe I am watching the slow destruction of a beautiful life, and I think everything just may come crashing down for this person.

It’s terribly tragic that people think they can behave in such a manner that they ultimately treat others with such disrespect that their selfishness wounds all.

And really isn’t that the simple thing it all comes down to at the core, selfishness. If they weren’t so selfish, and could possibly consider another human being for a millisecond then we wouldn’t end up with so many people hurt and broken relationships with heartbroken souls trying to find peace from the destruction left in the wake of the monster that is deceit.

I stand tall, and strong, and confident, and on the winning side today.

But too much deceit has crossed my path in my days and it’s time for it to come to a stop. The liars need to be called out for what they are.

This kinky little princess is putting her perfectly heeled foot down. No more.

I absolutely refuse to listen to any more lies, I refuse to allow myself to be manipulated by deceit. I am a strong woman, a smart woman, a beautiful, sexy, talented, passionate, encapsulating woman. I deserve so much better than any man who will play petty little games such as these.

But beware, the most charming, most handsome, most successful, most affluent, they are the most likely to deceive because they have the most to lose. Let’s never forget that. Remember, always be mindful! Know your opponent! And yes, love is war!

Never allow yourself to be deceived.

Kinky Blonde Girl

Contemplating my role…

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As I sit and contemplate the last several months so many different things come to my mind about my role as a submissive. So much has been learned from my relationships, most especially I find from that extraordinary connection found between Dominant and submissive. I am recalling my days as my former Sir’s submissive with great affection and gratitude for all I take from that incredibly intense and beautiful relationship.

Below you will find excerpts of a “submissive love letter” to my former Sir. I am so thankful I can look upon these words with a heart full of appreciation for all of the amazing experiences and growth I received in my time as His. I will be forever grateful for what I have learned, particularly about myself.

my mind wanders back to when everything changed, and the beginning of a wonderful mystery was upon us Master. within days our first meeting occurred and i was quickly drawn into Your kink, with Your kindness, strength, and dominance all giving me courage and helping me to trust You in the things to come Master. i immediately felt safe with You and as You remind me over and over again that i am safe in Your hands, that feeling continues until today Master.

in the beginning when You provided me with Your initial list of expectations, You became my Sir, and my submissive spirit began to grow for You Master. it was so easy to fall quickly for You, as the time we spent chatting beforehand had allowed me the opportunity to learn some about You and i always found You kind and respectful in every way Master.

from Our first encounter i was filled with such trust for You, from the first moments You walked in the door, and You have always ensured i felt safe in Your hands Master. i am always reminded that i am Yours, and that You have me, and those actions have allowed me to trust in You when i didn’t trust in myself, to believe in Your faith in my abilities and to take amazing risks that have reaped spectacular rewards Master.

Our play has been breathtaking, every experience something new, exciting and i always seem to learn something about myself Master. You challenge me and make my body do things i never in my dreams imagined and although sometimes i feel pressed to my limits, i am always bestowed with great pleasure time after time Master. You make me feel vulnerable but i always know that i am in an artists hands and know You will never purposefully hurt me Master. there is a closeness between us, and i honestly believe that because of this play, because of the trust that is gained each time We have the opportunity to be together and You are able to take me to those places only You control, i find myself completely enthralled by you Master. it’s as if You find more of me every time We are together and that just makes me shine when i think of You Master.

i am grateful for the new things that You have given me to do, as i find myself wanting to be of better service to You Master. Your care for me is always noted and appreciated more than You could ever know Master.

i have learned a great deal about myself Master. You are teaching me more than i think You will ever realize Master. it really is a pleasure to wake up to a message from You every day, i look forward to it more than You will ever know Master. i am blessed to be called Your submissive and find myself honoured every time i wear Your collar, regardless of official meaning or not Master. it has immense meaning for me, and i always feel close to You when i am locked up tight in my restraints and collar Master. if i must be at a distance from You, they provide an opportunity to have a little bit of You close to me Master. i hope to be a good submissive to You, and i will always work to be a submissive You can be proud to call Yours Master. Thank You for believing in me when i don’t believe in myself, You have no idea what this means Master.

This is part of my history now, part of who I am, who I will become. This experience has been so profound I cannot think of another in my life to equal it. I wait anxiously for the day that I may kneel again, and to see that same pride in the eyes of another Dominant.

To the beautiful future that awaits me.

Kinky Blonde Girl

Multiple relationships…a delicate dance

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I had plans to meet up with my play partner on a weekend afternoon for some hiking and tying and play in the beautiful outdoors. We live in an epic location with mountains, rainforests and the ocean in our backyard. Amazing location for extreme outdoor kinky fun.

But, as much as he has accepted this relationship to be poly, he doesn’t love to see bruises on me from another. It’s always a reminder to him that I have other partners and I know they frustrate him.

I had to go to our meet up unknowing exactly how he was going to respond to the most recent bruises I received and as we have been spending a great deal of time together I know he often wonders what in the world it is that I need from my relationship with my Dom. There is so much to that relationship he just can never understand because he doesn’t understand the idea of a 24/7 D/s relationship.

Admittedly as I stood there in the forest taking my clothes off, preparing to unveil the damage done in my most recent scene with my Dom, the thought actually occurred to me, what if this is the moment he actually loses it, and says no f$&@!#g way, no more, and just took off and left me there.

Again, self confidence issues come to the forefront, because of course he has agreed to this arrangement, I should not be standing there in fear of his behavior. He truly has given me no reason to think he would do such a thing, other than knowing it can be a bit of a prickly issue for him. He has clearly stated this is because of past experiences wherein he had been on the receiving end of deceit. There is no deceit here, but it inflames those feelings for him and so I do my best to try and be cognizant in order to minimize any discomfort he may feel.

He did not leave me stranded in the forest, although he did take every opportunity to tease and semi-torture me for the marks that appeared on my body.

Self doubt is my worst enemy. Not trusting in the people I know I trust, when they have given me no reason to fear the worst. This is one of my greatest challenges today. I hope a day comes when I can walk in faith knowing that the hands I place my trust in during a scene can be trusted always, and that doubt will fade away into the abyss.

Until next time…

Kinky Blonde Girl